I have the honor and privilege to work with some of the most amazing women! They are smart, talented, beautiful-inside and out, insightful, supportive and courageous. And the majority of them do not know how amazing they are. These women are quick to point out their perceived short comings.There is an overwhelming feeling and sense of “not enough-ness”-not thin enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough, not friendly enough, not a good mother, not a good wife, just plain old not enough! Honestly it makes me insane! I wish that they could see themselves through my eyes because if they did, they would see how amazing they truly are.
The majority of these women do not even know that they are carrying this “I’m not enough” belief system around with them. They do not realize that this “I’m not enough” is informing every decision they make. It’s like a virus running in the background of your operating system called life. Just think about it, if at your core you do not believe that you are good enough would you, for example: Go for the big promotion? Stand up for yourself when you think you are right? Turn away from bad behavior from others? Treat your body kindly? Take care of yourself before others? The answer is likely NO!
We usually realize something is wrong when life feels un-satisfying, and we don’t know why. We could be unhappy with many areas of our lives- relationships, career, finances, spirituality, health, etc. We innately know that life is not suppose to be this un-satisfying and we may try to blame it on others or on life circumstances. However, the truth is that the answer lies within. The answer lies in uncovering the belief systems running in the background of our psyche’s and replacing it with a new upgraded much more positive system.
Here are the simple yet not-so-easy steps to put into practice to uncover the negative belief system running in the background of your psyche. Once brought to awareness, change can happen.
Go Inside. Put a spiritual practice in place for at least 10 minutes a day. Take the time to sit and relax and breathe. I suggest at least 10 minutes however it can be as long as you like. The longer the better. Make it a time when you will not be disturbed. The same time during the day is optimal, however if that is not possible, it’s ok. You might want to light a candle and play some nice inspirational music. It is totally up to you. Transformational work takes a lot of energy so you want to treat yourself very well during this time.
Connect with your feelings. Begin to Journal on your life story. Think about the most traumatic times in your life. Journal on the feelings that came up for you at that time. Are you still emotionally charged by those experiences? Journal on what you came away with. What did you make those situations mean about you? What negative belief did you take away from those experiences? (i.e. I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I’m stupid). You will become aware of how these experiences have shaped your life’s decisions. Lots of aaahaaa’s!
Heal from the trauma. Really sit with those feelings. Let the feelings come up. I promise you won’t die. This is the time to be prepared to watch for the resistance. You may want to eat, drink, gossip, or do whatever it is that you do to numb your feelings. Please resist these urges. This is a critical point. It can be a painful time; however, if you can sit through these emotions, they will pass. Note where you feel these feelings in your body. Write down the negative beliefs that you took on based upon your own unique life experience. This is a good time to talk to someone who will support you through your process.
Find The Gift. Eventually you will see the gift in these negative experiences. I often hear those who were abused say that they have learned how to forgive and have compassion for others in similar situations. I hear those that grew up with “I am stupid” have to prove to the world otherwise and have earned graduate degrees. This negative belief drove them to learn and educate themselves and become wonderful teachers. Some “I’m not good enough-ers” are helping so many people in the world because they get their feelings of goodness from helping. Really examine how these negative beliefs shaped your life in a positive way.
Let go of the negative beliefs. You can do a letting go meditation and ask that they be taken from you. You can actually write the negative beliefs down on a piece of paper and burn them. Be creative. You will know you have let go when your life begins to shift.
Turn it Around. Create positive affirmations and post them where they are visual to you throughout the day. Read them when you get up, periodically throughout the day, and before you go to bed. Write them as if it has always been that way for you. “I have always been worthy of love”, “I have always been very smart” “I have always felt safe and secure”.
Create a new future. A Vision Board is a very powerful tool that can help you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Meditate of the life you want and write a clear description in your journal. After you have a pretty good idea of the life you want, spend some time relaxing and searching for pictures, words, colors, or anything that represents your new and improved life. This can be a very meditative and fun experience. The mind relaxes and lets go; and the creative process begins. Once you have connected with the items that inspire you, arrange them on a poster board in a pleasing way. Your board becomes a collage of pleasing pictures, scenes, colors, and words that speak to you. You may be surprised by what is created. It can be fun to name your creation, i.e. serenity, new beginnings, fireworks, etc……Place it a place where you can see it and enjoy it on a daily basis. Notice what happens in time.
This process takes time and a committed daily practice. Commit yourself to this practice and you will feel your inner world change to be more spacious and positive and see your outer world change to match. It will seem like a miracle!